Bo Burnham - Egghead- or, You Cant Survive on Ideas Alone (epub) - dokument [*.epub] Begin Reading Copyright Page In accordance with the U.S. Copyright. site PDF EBOOK EPUB DOWNLOAD & READ FREE Egghead: Or, You Can't Survive on Ideas Alone by Bo Burnham Download Free Books Egghead: Or. Egghead: Or, You Can't Survive on Ideas Alone [EPUB] Download; 2. Book Details Author: Bo Burnham Pages: Publisher: Grand Central.

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Egghead or you can't survive on ideas alone [epub] download 1. Book Details Author: Bo Burnham Pages: Grand Central Publishing Brand: English ISBN: Publication Date: Description A strange and charming collection of hilariously absurd poetry, writing, and illustration from one of today's most popular young comedians Bo taped his first of two Comedy Central specials four days after his 18th birthday, making him the youngest to do so in the channel's history.

They do! All day.

If you see an empty bench, look around. I guarantee that you will not see any old men. Old men always sit on benches. And they always have. Back in the day, baby old men, with their baby walking sticks and baby dentures, would sit on tiny baby benches.

And as they grew, from baby old men puttering around dragging baby oxygen tanks into grown-up old men puttering around dragging oxygen tanks, the benches grew too. Sometimes, two old men will sit on a bench together. And that's fine.

Because it's not a throne.

It's a bench. And it's for old men. Count of Six I'll give you till the count of six. Now run! Go screw! Let me be! There's the door! While I'm still alive! Please stay, I love you. The Commercial Coupons! Free stuff! download five marked up, get one half price!

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Homonyms Homonyms aren't fare. It's awful. It's tragic. I say I'm pulling out my hare and they think I'm talking magic. Lou Lou followed his dreams. Lou followed those things into studios and boxing rings, into clown schools and swimming pools, into plucking little fiddle strings.

Lou followed his dreams. Now he's dirt-poor. He doesn't have a pillow or bed anymore. So three cheers for Lou, the follower who followed his dreams all the way to the floor! Fuck Ah, fuck. Those give me headaches.

After a long life, I don't want to stare into the sun. I want a calm blackness- the same shade that coats the back of my eyelids. Cat Lady Buried beneath a pile of cats, in a purring igloo, is the crazy fucking cat lady.

Who'd have guessed? Using You I worry that I'm using you, my love, my light, my back-scratcher, my cooking dickglove, my sapient baby-maker, my emotional treadmill, my long-legged suggestion box, my immaculate tissue dispenser.

I worry that I'm using you. Classic me. A complete and perfect nihilist. Life has no meaning.

No point. Happiness is a chemical coincidence and nothing else still "else" though nothing to begin with. Value is a vast vault of black, a black that dictates lack. Oh, and that accidental rhyme just then meant nothing. Why are you color-coding things?

Just a blog about Bo Burnham's writing.

What's the point, fascist? For more, check out my blog.

Armadilla Armadilla! On a pilla! And a giant chinchillo! And a bigger gorillo! My Barber Is Bald My barber is bald, my trainer is fat, my sponsor is drunken and lazy.

My optometrist is as blind as a bat and my shrink is batshit crazy. When you look at who is helping me, you'll know the reason why I've remained a bald, fat, drunken, lazy, blind, and crazy guy.

Different Although there's many different brains, with different stories, different names, different isn't safe like same, so same makes most take safer aim. Who needs those same old, same old fakes? Today, that same old, lame mold breaks.

I'm me! Meet me and see what a difference difference makes! Three Little Words If you were perfect, I'd tattoo this on my chest. If you were beautiful, I'd carve this into a tree trunk. If you were nice, I'd write this in a letter. But you're none of those- The Martian One of them Martians came round the house last night. Talking in code or some shit. Weird fucking things they are.

He rambled for a good ten minutes. Didn't listen. Kept staring at his brain through that tacky glass head of his. I could see his thoughts form. I could see them scramble around like ants on hot pavement.

Dumb and flightless, that's what they are. He eventually left. Haven't thought of him since. Xia Cobolt I don't want to die. It keeps me up at night. Because I know that when I die, whenever that will be, I'll probably wake up in some futuristic shopping mall, having just spent two space dollars and a mere fifteen space minutes living "my life" by means of one of the future's virtual reality massage chairs.

Then I'll get up and watch the long line of people circle through, living "my life" then getting back in line. And I'll remember who I am again.

And I'm a fugitive. He's fucking her good. And he's lasting a long time. She's loving the shit out of it. He's doing that thing that makes girls' heads spin. She's been spinning for years! I heard that one day, in the future, he's gonna fuck her right into the sun. He's done it to chicks before.

Playground The big bugs buzz and putter about the playground. They're trying to have fun-to enjoy themselves-but it's impossible. Because the playground is made for tiny people, not big bugs. Bee Guys Three bee guys were scared for their lives. They broke out of their hives, then broke out in hives. They screamed, "We miss our honeycomb home! Hold the cheese. Hold it in your hand until it melts- until it bears the shape of that voluptuous palm of yours.

Then put it on my burger. This Hour I need to make this hour last, so attach a beach to the top of my hourglass. Time Blows Life is an open book. Time is an oscillating fan.

I've had to learn to skim-read because before I can read more than a few paragraphs, that fucking airhead comes circling back, blowing pages like a medieval prostitute.A Walk in the Woods: Weird fucking things they are.

And you want to stomp all over them. Meditation for Daily Stress: How to Be a Bawse: Everyday Meditation: She's loving the shit out of it. Meditation as a path to God-Realization.